This is the true joy of life, the being used up for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one.
- George Bernard Shaw
One word frees us of all the weight and pain of life: that word is love.
- Sophocles
Experience is how life catches up with us and teaches us to love and forgive each other.
- Judy Collins
What would life be if we had no courage to attempt anything?
- Vincent van Gogh
Grace means more than gifts. In grace something is transcended, once and for all overcome. Grace happens in spite of something; it happens in spite of separateness and alienation. Grace means that life is once again united with life, self is reconciled with self. Grace means accepting the abandoned one. Grace transforms fate into a meaningful vocation. It transforms guilt to trust and courage. The word grace has something triumphant in it.
- Yrjo Kallinen
When I hear somebody sigh, "Life is hard," I am always tempted to ask, "Compared to what?"
- Sydney J. Harris
A life lived in love will never be dull.
- Leo Buscaglia
It's only when we truly know and understand that we have a limited time on earth -- and that we have no way of knowing when our time is up -- that we will begin to live each day to the fullest, as if it was the only one we had.
- Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
Your life feels different on you, once you greet death and understand your heart's position. You wear your life like a garment from the mission bundle sale ever after -- lightly because you realize you never paid nothing for it, cherishing because you know you won't ever come by such a bargain again.
- Louise Erdrich
One must work and dare if one really wants to live.
- Vincent van Gogh
Life is meaningless only if we allow it to be. Each of us has the power to give life meaning, to make our time and our bodies and our words into instruments of love and hope.
- Tom Head
I am on the side of the unregenerate who affirm the worth of life as an end in itself, as against the saints who deny it.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes
Live every act fully, as if it were your last.
- Buddha
Without some goal and some effort to reach it, no one can live.
- Fyodor Dostoyevsky
I am on the side of the unregenerate who affirm the worth of life as an end in itself, as against the saints who deny it.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes
Funny Quotes
Most of the men that sue in Hollywood are all about five foot two. They wake up every day, know they'ree tiny and feel very angry about it, so they go out and sue people.
-- Piers Morgan
If Harry Potter's so magical, why cant he cure his own eyesight and get laid. A teenage lad shouldnt need a broomstick to cling onto.
-- Frankie Boyle
Barack Obama will appeal to both black and white voters in America. White voters who'll think he's Tiger Woods.
-- Frankie Boyle
A vasectomy means never having to say you're sorry.
-- Anonymous
It's a recession when your neighbour loses his job: it's a depression when you lose yours.
-- Harry S. Truman
Scientists say because of global warming they expect the world's oceans to rise four and a half feet. The scientists say this can mean only one thing - Gary Coleman is going to drown.
-- Conan OBrien
I knew a girl so ugly, she had a face like a saint...a Saint Bernard!
-- Rodney Dangerfield
One time I went to a hotel. I asked the bellhop to handle my bag. He felt up my wife!
-- Rodney Dangerfield
Some Have Psychologists, Some Have Sportologists — I Smoke
-- Angel Cabrera
A dreamcatcher works, if your dream is to be gay.
-- Demetri Martin
Every fight is a food fight when you’re a cannibal.
-- Demetri Martin
I think the worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades...or a game of fake heart attack.
-- Demetri Martin
Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.
-- Bill Cosby
If it's sent by ship then it's a cargo, if it's sent by road then it's a shipment.
-- Dave Allen
We spend our lives on the run: we get up by the clock, eat and sleep by the clock, get up again, go to work - and then we retire. And what do they give us? A clock.
-- Dave Allen
I backed a horse today at 20:1. It came in at twenty past four.
-- Tommy Cooper
I'm not saying the wife's ugly, but last christmas she stood under the mistle toe waiting for someone to kiss and she was still there at lent. In fact she went to see that film the Elephant Man and the audience thought she was making a personal appearance.
-- Les Dawson
She can hardly get through an open door without explicit directions.
-- William Lee Scott (on Claudia Schiffer)
Make crime pay - become a lawyer.
-- Will Rogers
A secretary ran into the bosses office and said "Can I use your dictaphone?" He says, "no, use your finger like everybody else"
-- Bernard Manning
Ken dodd of all the comedians - tight. We went to a stripshow and he wanted half of his money back because one of the strippers only had one t*t.
-- Bernard Manning
We used to sleep five to a bed and three of them used to wet the bed. I learnt to swim before I could walk.
-- Bernard Manning
How could Bernard Manning be a racist when he had four black horses pulling his coffin?
-- Frank Carson
I once got sacked for laughing ... mind you, I was driving a hearse at the time.
-- Bernard Manning
I had a ploughman's lunch the other day. He wasn't very happy!
-- Tommy Cooper
Girls are like pianos. When they're not upright, they're grand.
-- Benny Hill
Once it was impossible to find any Bond villains older than myself, I retired.
-- Roger Moore
Ah, stardom! They put your name on a star in the sidewalk on Hollywood Boulevard and you walk down and find a pile of dog manure on it. That tells the whole story, baby.
-- Lee Marvin
Just the other day I sent the girlfriend a huge pile of snow...I rang her up and said: "Did you get my drift?"
-- Peter Kay
Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.
-- Frank Sinatra
-- Piers Morgan
If Harry Potter's so magical, why cant he cure his own eyesight and get laid. A teenage lad shouldnt need a broomstick to cling onto.
-- Frankie Boyle
Barack Obama will appeal to both black and white voters in America. White voters who'll think he's Tiger Woods.
-- Frankie Boyle
A vasectomy means never having to say you're sorry.
-- Anonymous
It's a recession when your neighbour loses his job: it's a depression when you lose yours.
-- Harry S. Truman
Scientists say because of global warming they expect the world's oceans to rise four and a half feet. The scientists say this can mean only one thing - Gary Coleman is going to drown.
-- Conan OBrien
I knew a girl so ugly, she had a face like a saint...a Saint Bernard!
-- Rodney Dangerfield
One time I went to a hotel. I asked the bellhop to handle my bag. He felt up my wife!
-- Rodney Dangerfield
Some Have Psychologists, Some Have Sportologists — I Smoke
-- Angel Cabrera
A dreamcatcher works, if your dream is to be gay.
-- Demetri Martin
Every fight is a food fight when you’re a cannibal.
-- Demetri Martin
I think the worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades...or a game of fake heart attack.
-- Demetri Martin
Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.
-- Bill Cosby
If it's sent by ship then it's a cargo, if it's sent by road then it's a shipment.
-- Dave Allen
We spend our lives on the run: we get up by the clock, eat and sleep by the clock, get up again, go to work - and then we retire. And what do they give us? A clock.
-- Dave Allen
I backed a horse today at 20:1. It came in at twenty past four.
-- Tommy Cooper
I'm not saying the wife's ugly, but last christmas she stood under the mistle toe waiting for someone to kiss and she was still there at lent. In fact she went to see that film the Elephant Man and the audience thought she was making a personal appearance.
-- Les Dawson
She can hardly get through an open door without explicit directions.
-- William Lee Scott (on Claudia Schiffer)
Make crime pay - become a lawyer.
-- Will Rogers
A secretary ran into the bosses office and said "Can I use your dictaphone?" He says, "no, use your finger like everybody else"
-- Bernard Manning
Ken dodd of all the comedians - tight. We went to a stripshow and he wanted half of his money back because one of the strippers only had one t*t.
-- Bernard Manning
We used to sleep five to a bed and three of them used to wet the bed. I learnt to swim before I could walk.
-- Bernard Manning
How could Bernard Manning be a racist when he had four black horses pulling his coffin?
-- Frank Carson
I once got sacked for laughing ... mind you, I was driving a hearse at the time.
-- Bernard Manning
I had a ploughman's lunch the other day. He wasn't very happy!
-- Tommy Cooper
Girls are like pianos. When they're not upright, they're grand.
-- Benny Hill
Once it was impossible to find any Bond villains older than myself, I retired.
-- Roger Moore
Ah, stardom! They put your name on a star in the sidewalk on Hollywood Boulevard and you walk down and find a pile of dog manure on it. That tells the whole story, baby.
-- Lee Marvin
Just the other day I sent the girlfriend a huge pile of snow...I rang her up and said: "Did you get my drift?"
-- Peter Kay
Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.
-- Frank Sinatra
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